Di seberang sana:
padang bunga matahari.
Kuning, riang, beriak merayu.
Ragu melangkah ia.
Berdiri termangu
di bawah bayang-bayang ranting kayu.
Tangannya perlahan
membebat sayatan-sayatan pada tubuh yang meneteskan darah
satu demi satu.
Di seberang sana:
padang bunga matahari
tak lagi mampu menunggu
kini
mengelabu.
The Sunflower Field
On the other side:
the sunflower field.
Yellow, joyful, rippling invitingly.
Hesitated to step forward she is.
Standing dazed
under the shadow of tree branches.
Her hands are slowly
wrapping the gashes on her skin that
drip blood
one by one.
On the other side:
the sunflower field
is no longer able to wait
now
is turning gray.
L. Ayuningtyas
The Sunflower Field, 2018
Poetry (Originally in Indonesian with Accompanying English Translation)
I wrote this poem around two years ago, a month after the last session with my psychologist. Although the long sessions had concluded and I felt recovered from the trauma of intimate partner violence, it was still a difficult journey afterward. I believed that happiness would await. I knew it would be there if I stepped forward. However, my wounds held me back. And perhaps, the happiness would fade if I did not hurry to step forward to the sunflower field.